How to Get Your Husband Excited About Having a Baby Girl

So you just found out you are having a baby girl. Congratulations, Mama!

Whether you were hoping for a girl or not, you likely can easily picture all the things you will get to do with and teach your daughter. Your husband, on the other hand, is behaving as though you just discovered you will be giving birth to an alien.

His disappointment and uneasiness with the idea of having a girl is dampening your own mood on the matter and making it a little difficult to enjoy your pregnancy.

I know how you feel, Mama. And my husband could relate to your husband’s reaction completely. You see, neither my husband nor I were prepared for the impact our 19-week anatomy ultrasound with my first daughter would have on my man.

If you are still reeling from the memory of that pained look on your husband’s face as the doctor congratulated you on your thriving baby girl, you are in the right place, Mama. Because I have been there. And I am here to tell you that it really will be okay!

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This post has been updated as of 8/6/2024

Why Men Struggle with the Idea of Having a Baby Girl

Before our anatomy scan during my pregnancy with my first daughter, my husband and I both knew he preferred a boy. I was slightly leaning toward wanting a girl, but I was not desperately hoping for a girl. I was okay with either.

Read about the safety concerns involved in prenatal ultrasounds in this post.

According to Gallup, this is a common scenario. Ten surveys conducted over the course of the past 80 years have revealed that men consistently would choose to have a boy over a girl if given a choice while women are less inclined to favor either gender.

Even though we both knew my husband was rooting for a boy, I don’t think either of us realized how hard it would be for him to accept having a girl. But the fact is, finding out he is having a baby girl can be a shock for a man, despite the conspicuous 50/50 chance of having one with every single pregnancy.

I personally think the reality of having a girl is completely unexpected for some men because they never acknowledge that possibility out of fear.

We women picture our hubbies with a sweet little girl, attending tea parties and fending off boys, and we melt inside. It sounds precious and appealing to us.

But to a man, the thought of raising a girl is scary. He feels uncertain about his ability to play with her when she is little and connect with her when she is a teenager. He feels a huge weight of responsibility to protect a girl in every conceivable way. Financially. Physically. Emotionally. For the rest of his life.

While a father generally teaches a son how to take care of himself, he teaches a daughter that she can always depend on and run back to him. To a man, having a girl is not just a matter of dressing her in pink instead of blue or getting her a doll instead of a monster truck for her birthday.

It’s about figuring out how to be an example, a teacher, a comforter, and a rescuer to someone he worries won’t make sense to him. Someone whom he won’t necessarily understand how she’s feeling or why she’s acting a certain way like he would with a boy.

Read this post for more information about the impact a father has on his children intellectually, socially and emotionally.

Just like how it may be a challenge for you to understand how your husband is feeling right now. It’s probably a little scary for you to see your husband pulling away from the excitement of your pregnancy. But this is pretty common and both of your fears will be put to rest soon.

3 Ways to Get Your Husband Excited About Having a Baby Girl

You might be worried right now that your baby will be born and your husband will grudgingly hold her while gazing wistfully at another dad playing with his son. But let me assure you that this will not be so.

Your husband will come around to the idea of having a baby girl and will even be excited about it in the coming days. Here are some ways you can help him adjust.

1. Be Excited

Don’t allow your husband’s struggle to suck your joy out of having a baby girl. Showing your own excitement over having a baby girl in a non-threatening way will help to lighten up your husband’s thoughts on the subject.

Of course you don’t want to be spiteful in your gushing. But you can talk about why you are looking forward to having a daughter without attacking your husband’s point of view.

Even though my husband was not feeling very cheery about looking at baby girl clothes and toys while I was expecting my first daughter, it made him smile to see how much fun it was for me to plan for having a baby girl.

Try to show your husband why having a girl is just as exciting as having a boy. Remind him of all the things he was looking forward to doing with a son that he can also do with a daughter.

So many girls love doing “tomboy” stuff with their dads. Playing with cars, working with tools and practicing sports are only a few of the many things a girl might be interested in doing with her dad.

As a matter of fact, my first daughter is now 6 years old and she is a bit of a tomboy in some ways. She would much rather get the monster truck than the doll as a gift. She has actually had this remote control monster truck for years now and has loved playing with it both on her own and with her dad.

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On the other hand, my younger daughter would much rather have the doll and the dress up toys. But she is very much a daddy’s girl despite her girly-girl personality. So either way, both of our girls firmly hold their daddy’s heart in their little hands.

Another way to excitedly help your husband get into the mood for having a baby girl is to share with him the benefits that are specific to having a daughter. Having a boy would be wonderful too, but having a girl will be a special experience for your husband.

As my first daughter became more talkative and interactive as a toddler, my husband often affectionately commented on the uniquely feminine sweetness she possessed. And that only endured her to him all the more.

Another thing he has come to appreciate about having girls is the fact that, once they are grown and independent, girls tend to return home and stay connected to their parents more than boys do.

He might not completely get it yet, but keep encouraging your husband with all the wonderful things there are to love about having a baby girl.

2. Be Understanding

I totally get how hurtful it is to feel like your husband is disappointed in your child before she is even born. It’s a hard thing to deal with.

But it is important to acknowledge the feelings your husband is having too. He is not being unreasonable. He is not trying to hurt you or his child. He is not rejecting his baby.

He is worried that he won’t be able to understand her. He is afraid he won’t know how to connect with her. He doesn’t see how he will be able to feel as close to her as he wants to be.

Even though you have every right to be excited about having a baby girl, your husband also needs you to listen to his concerns about how he will relate to or play with a girl.

Find out how to get relief from common pregnancy discomforts in this post.

You may not have the magic words to convince him that having a baby girl will be one of the best things that will ever happen to him. But don’t worry, he will discover that soon enough. For now, just try to empathize with his struggle. Draw him closer in reassurance rather than pushing him away in anger.

3. Be Patient

Some daddies may warm up to the notion of having a baby girl before their little princess is born. But don’t be surprised if he continues to doubt his ability to be a girl daddy throughout the remainder of your pregnancy.

I know this might sound like an agonizing tug-of-war to have on your emotions for the rest your pregnancy. But fear not. A major shift in your husband’s mindset is coming with the arrival of your baby.

Little girls are born with a God-given ability to snuggle right up into their daddies’ hearts with a simple little sigh of contentment or a curl of that dainty finger (which they have their daddies wrapped around from exactly .1 seconds old).

And the daddy-daughter bond only continues to grow from that moment on. My husband went from questioning what he would do with a girl during my pregnancy to loving her so much at birth that he didn’t care what she was.

Read my natural hospital birth story here!

By the time she reached toddlerhood, he was often telling me he was so glad she is a girl and confessing that he preferred having a girl over having a boy (I’m sure that would balance itself out if we had a boy).

You may not be able to reverse your husband’s entire attitude about having a baby girl. But that will happen on its own with time. Just be patient, sympathetic and happy in the mean time.

What Will Ultimately Change His Heart About Having a Girl

Oh Mama, I so clearly remember sitting at my desk at work in the days following that anatomy ultrasound googling whether it was normal for a man to be upset about discovering his wife is having a baby girl.

I remember how frustrated and impatient I felt as I read about women’s experiences with their own husbands. Everyone seemed to be saying things changed after the baby was born. But I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my pregnancy being excited alone. I wanted to have the magic words to turn my husband’s disappointment into joy.

But let me comfort you with what I learned about my husband’s situation that is true of your husband’s too:

The child he is struggling to happily anticipate right now is also the only one who holds the miraculous power to soften his manly, tough heart to mush. And she will do exactly that the moment she is born.

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Also, if you or your husband are dealing with gender disappointment during a pregnancy after loss, I have a post on that as well.