The Impact of a Father

In honor of Fathers Day, I decided to look into what kind of impact fathers have in the lives of our children. I already know from observation that my husband has an incredibly beneficial impact on my daughter’s life. But I wanted to know what the studies say about the impact of a father.

Interestingly, the impact of fathers is a relatively new area of study (at least, in scientific years). Until the 1970s, the role of the father (other than as the provider for the family) was seen as unimportant compared to the mother (Source).

There really weren’t many studies done on the effect of the relationship between fathers and their children until that time, at which point research began to show the significant impact a father has on his children (Source).

The Positive Impact of a Father

If your children are blessed enough to have a loving and involved dad in their life, you probably already realize that this positively effects them. But you may be unaware of what a difference this makes in some surprising areas of life.

Research shows that children who have a father who is active in their lives have better language skills and better behavior. This is true whether or not the dad lives in the home with the child – as long as he is involved, the child benefits from his influence (Source).

Amazingly, the “father” also does not have to be a biological dad for the child to be positively impacted; the input of any father-figure can contribute to better outcomes in a child’s life (Source).

Children who are close to their dads also have higher IQs at the age of 3 and grow up to have better-paying jobs and healthier relationships (Source). Boys who have a male role model grow up with a better understanding of what it means to be a man, and girls who have an involved father can more easily relate to males and have more positive opinions of them (Source).

Kids with a present father have better long-term success in life as well. They are less likely to drop out of school or go to jail than children with an absent father. They are also less likely to get involved in risky behaviors and have psychological problems (Source).

So basically, not only does the presence of a good dad effect a child’s emotional stability, but also his or her mental development and ultimate success in life!

The Negative Impact of a Father

Of course, due to divorce, death or desertion, many children grow up without their dad in the picture. On the other hand, some are influenced by an unhealthy relationship with either their father or another male figure in the mother’s life.

Unfortunately, the negative impacts of a father can begin even at conception. Men who drink alcohol prior to conceiving a child are more likely to have a son with uncontrolled drinking habits, and a father’s poor diet can contribute to problems with the pregnancy (Source).

Additionally, simply not being a part of his baby’s life is enough for a father to place his child in a dangerous situation. Sadly, children who do not have a father listed on the birth certificate are at a higher risk for mortality. This is partly because children who have a male who is not their biological dad in the father role are significantly more likely to experience abuse and death (Source).

Fatherless children also struggle with feelings of abandonment; are more prone to run away and become homeless; are more likely to be sexually promiscuous and become teen parents; have significantly higher rates of acute and chronic pain, asthma, headaches and stomach aches; and live an average of four less years (Source).

Considering that 33% of American children live in a home without a father present (Source), these facts are heartbreaking! I ache for the children who do not have a relationship (or who have a negative relationship) with their dad and are consequently at a disadvantage for having a normal and healthy life.

Although this is not always the case (as you will see in the story below), there often are debilitating issues that arise out of fatherless homes. I have several family members and friends who have grown up without an involved father; sadly, some of them do indeed have obvious, hindering scars, but fortunately, others have made a good life for themselves.

Personal Experiences with Fathers

I was very blessed to grow up in a home with both parents living harmoniously together. My dad was an amazing dad who’s love I never doubted. I could butter him up so easily – he couldn’t say no to doing something with or for his kids.

Growing up, I was closer to my mom than my dad, but I love, respect and admire my dad very much. And as an adult, I actually think I feel the positive impact of a father from a personal standpoint better than I did as a kid.

The biggest effect this positive influence has noticeably had on my life is in my choice of spouse. I was raised being taught to marry a man as respectable, gentlemanly and caring as my dad and to only date someone I would consider marrying.

Fast forward many years and I am currently married to a man who treats me with the kind of love and respect that every woman longs for. I don’t say this to brag but to show the importance of a positive male role model in the lives of girls.

If I didn’t have the example of my dad, I probably would not have had such high standards. I would not have thought I deserved a man as good as my husband and might have settled for less. I was fortunate to have a good example growing up that many kids do not.

To get a different perspective on the effects fathers have in their children’s lives, I asked Kaitlin*, a teenager who’s parents are divorced, about her relationship with her dad.

When questioned about how close she feels to her dad, she told me, “When we go long periods without seeing each other, we aren’t that close, but when we do spend some time together, it seems as though we get closer.” Whenever they are together, she says she feels the need to be careful about what she says.

I also asked her how her parents divorce has effected her relationship with her dad. She said it mostly caused her to grow closer to her mom, especially since she tends to clash with her dad. “We have fun sometimes,” she states. “but it’s always been hard to have a relationship with just him since I didn’t live with him the majority of my life.” 

When I asked how she feels her life has been effected by her relationship with her dad, she responded:

“With the past my dad and I have had, I’ve been positively impacted by having to mature at a younger age than the rest of my peers. That may seem like it’s a negative thing but it’s actually quite positive; that has helped me so much through my teen years to get through tough situations. He’s helped me see who I don’t want to be in some ways.”

Kaitlin is a truly amazing person with a kind and loving spirit who makes good choices in life. She is proof that children without a father living in the home do not have to become a statistic.

The Impact of a Father in Your Child’s Life

I know there are a lot of single mamas out there (doing an amazing job!) who may be concerned about how your children are being effected by the absence or less than ideal influence of their father. I have two reminders for you that I hope will be an encouragement:

1) Despite the researched outcomes in the scientific community, children without a close, positive father-figure can still grow up to be strong, respectable adults with successful lives. Especially the ones who have a hardworking mama like you! just look at the example of Kaitlin.

2) Some children greatly benefit from having an older male role model who is not their biological father. Whether it is an older brother, an uncle, a family friend, etc. Just because their father is not in the picture, does not mean your child has to grow up without a positive masculine example.

And to the mama who’s children have a good male role model to look up to, remember to thank that man for influencing your children’s developmental, physical and emotional well-being. And wish him a Happy Fathers Day!

What are your thoughts on how the absence or presence of a father has effected your children’s lives? Let me know in the comments!

* Name changed to protect privacy.