Today I am greiving the beginning of a loss. Today I am starting the journey so many moms have gone on before me. Today I am confused by the mixture of sorrow and excitement swirling my emotions. Today I am beginning a very gradual process of weaning from breastfeeding.
If you are also weaning from breastfeeding, this post is for you, Mama. Because weaning is not an easy thing to go through for most moms, and support during this transition is crucial.
I am going to share my heart with you because I need to. But I am also sharing with you in the hope of encouraging you on your own weaning journey.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post is meant to be medical advice. Please speak with a doctor about any questions or concerns you have.
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Our Journey to Weaning
Today has been an emotional day … for me, not my daughter. I have both waited for and dreaded this moment for a long time. The moment I can see some freedom for myself on the horizen … The moment I deeply mourn the process of relinquishing a precious part of my relationship with my daughter.
I didn’t know before today that it was possible to feel such joy and relief at the same time as I am feeling such pain and loss.
Knowing it’s Time
I know that it is the right time to do this. How do I know it’s the right time? Because my breastfeeding-obsessed, wants-to-nurse-every-hour daughter began suddenly playing happily without any milk breaks for hours at a time.
Because my constantly-attached toddler now sits on my lap without looking with excitement at my chest as she tugs on my shirt asking for milk.
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And because, when she does occasionally ask for milk and I tell her we are going to wait, she is content to accept a substitute or play instead.
This is shocking to me. I often feared this day would never come. And now I face the painful process of letting go of a precious gift I have shared with my daughter for 21 months.
The Lead Up to This Moment
My daughter has been extremely attached to her milk – and me – her whole life. I have been unable to be away from her for longer than a few hours at a time at best and a few minutes at a time at worst.
My husband and I were just discussing with astonishment that I have probably only been away from my daughter a maximum of a cumulative 24 hours since she was born.
She has been so reliant on me for nourishment, comfort, and sleep that we have spent the better part of every 24-hour day physically attached. And consequently, emotionally attached.
Read 5 Breastfeeding Myths That Will Shock You here!
The depth of our breastfeeding bond has been a priceless treasure that I thank God we have both been blessed to experience.
The Beginning of Grieving
All day I have been having tearful flashbacks to all the special nursing moments I will no longer have with my daughter.
I won’t be sitting on the couch reading her cute children’s books while she happily sucks away anymore. No more staring down into her sweet face as I nurse and rock her. And I’ll never write another comical post about the trials and tribulations of trying to chop veggies while nursing her on my hip.
I did not understand why weaning from breastfeeding would be so emotionally difficult until I spent a year and a half sharing my body and soul with someone I love more than life itself. And now the time has come to start letting go. Letting go of a unique connection only I have ever had with her.
Feeling Ready
Weaning from breastfeeding has never been something I have been anxious to do. I still am not eager to be done nursing and don’t plan to be for a while. But I am eager to reduce, which is our starting point.
My husband and I generally let my daughter take the lead and show us when she is ready for things.
While I have loved every day of our breastfeeding journey, I have not loved every nursing session. I have thoroughly enjoyed meeting my daughter’s physical and emotional needs through breastfeeding. But the excessive frequency and length of her nursing sessions has become frustrating at times.
For this reason, I am taking advantage of her recent obvious lack of enthusiasm for nursing. I have been simultaneously enjoying my limited remaining time to bond with my toddler in this way and waiting to pounce on this moment for a while now.
Typical Feelings While Weaning From Breastfeeding
If you are currently in the process of weaning from breastfeeding and are experiencing some unsettling emotions and strange physical symptoms, you are probably wondering what all is normal to experience. This journey can certainly ignite some intense feelings and symptoms.
Find out why you feel like you’re on your period without any bleeding while breastfeeding in this post!
Below are some emotions and side-effects you might experience during the weaning process. However, I am not a medical or lactation professional and you should always consult a doctor about any symptoms that concern you.
Emotional Challenges of Weaning
Rejection
Even if you are turning down your little one’s requests to nurse, it can still be hard when they accept the weaning process.
I am not forcing my daughter to begin weaning, but I am encouraging her disinterest. When she does ask for milk, I tell her we are going to wait for milk until it’s time to go night-night.
I am thrilled that she is responding so well when I turn her down and doesn’t protest much, if at all. But it still hurts that she can so easily pass up something that used to be her favorite part about being with Mommy.
At one point tonight, I felt that rejection when my daughter walked into the bathroom while I was taking a bath. I thought sure the milk buffet on display would prompt her to reach for me while pleading for what used to be her favorite thing in the world.
Instead, she was too distracted by a plastic cup on the side of the tub to care about her two b[r]est friends, even though it had been over 5 hours since she’d nursed (a length of time which used to be highly unusual for her to go without milk).
A Sense of Grief
It may sound odd to someone who hasn’t experienced it, but, yes, it is normal to grieve while weaning from breastfeeding. Even if it is what you want to do, you are still giving up something that has been a huge part of both of your lives since your child was born.
A loss is a loss. Grief is a healthy part of letting go of something. Just because weaning from breastfeeding is the best or right thing to do doesn’t mean you can’t grieve the end (or beginning of the end) of this stage with your child.
Depression or Anxiety
A lot of women will experience some depression or anxiety during and after weaning, particularly those who experienced postpartum depression. This is an unfortunate result of the drop in certain hormone levels in your body.
Weaning gradually is supposed to help with this. The slower your “feel good” and “love” hormones drop (AKA, Prolactin and Oxytocin), the less likely you will be to have severe mood changes.
If you do experience mood changes that last more than a few days, you may want to try using maca powder to help naturally balance your hormones. Read more info about how maca can help with natural hormone balancing here.
Urge to Cry
Suddenly wanting to cry randomly throughout the day – or constantly all day – is understandable while weaning from breastfeeding.
While changing hormones sure don’t help with emotion regulation, there is also a legitimate psychological reason to allow yourself some cry time.
This is a big deal. No matter how long you have breastfed or why you (or your child) are stopping, there is likely some degree of mourning that has to take place for every mama during this time.
Loss of Identity
Feeling like you have lost a part of your identity as a mother makes sense when you’re weaning from breastfeeding. After all, you have spent the past however many weeks, months or years putting “Excellent Breastfeeder” at the top of your resume in your full-time job as a mom.
Read about my struggle to lose weight while breastfeeding in this post.
It has been the thing you have spent the majority of your days and nights doing, and it can be difficult to separate who you are as a mother from how you constantly and endlessly feed and sooth your little one.
I am currently in the process of figuring out who I am as my daughter’s mommy now that I will no longer be her primary source of comfort, security and energy drink throughout the day. It’s going to take some time to discover what needs she will want me to meet and how I can meet them without my boobs.
But I know that I am more than just a breastfeeding mom. I am a mom. Period. And that will take on its own new meaning for me with time. Just as it will for you.
Physical Challenges of Weaning
You may also be going through a rough time physically while weaning from breastfeeding. “Withdrawal” symptoms can include the following:
- Tiredness/Exhaustion
- Headaches/Lightheadedness/Dizziness
- Nausea
- Cramps
- Sore Breasts/Engorgement
- Plugged Ducts/Mastitis
- Bleeding/Spotting
- General PMS or Pregnancy Symptoms
To be honest, I feel a bit like I’ve been hit by a train on my first official day of beginning the process of weaning from breastfeeding. It’s been a rough day emotionally. But it hasn’t been easy physically either.
I actually questioned at one point whether I was getting sick. And then I read this post over at Motherly and realized I am not the first person to feel this way while weaning.
If you are feeling awful, it may be your body’s response to the hormonal changes as well as the strain of your emotions. However, be vigilant about watching for signs of plugged ducts or mastitis which require special attention to heal.
Read my post on mastitis symptoms to learn more about recognizing and treating this condition.
At the End of My First Day Weaning From Breastfeeding
At the end of my first day gradually weaning from breastfeeding, I am feeling heartsick and physically ill. My heart aches so badly and my body feels like it’s been washed over by a hormone hurricane.
But I can’t allow myself to lose sight of all that I still have with my daughter. When the hormones and grief threaten to take my mama joy, I will remind myself of the beauty of today.
Today I am finding new ways to show love to my child. Today I am discovering that my daughter loves me for more than just my boobs. Today I am beginning a new and exciting stage with my toddler. Today we are growing together and getting acquainted in new ways.
Today is not easy. But my heart is full of two-sided accomplishment, cherished memories, and intense gratitude. What a beautiful experience ecological breastfeeding has been. My daughter and I have been so blessed to start her life and our relationship in this way.
Everyone weans on their own timeline and in their own way for their own reasons. For me and my daughter, this is not the end of our breastfeeding journey. But it is the beginning of the end. And it is harder than I ever thought possible.
Mama, in the midst of the pain (physical and emotional) and difficulty of weaning from breastfeeding, I hope you are able to say that you are satisfied and proud of what you and your child have done and are doing.
And I hope that weaning from breastfeeding is simply a launching pad for your next great adventure into bonding with your child. You are amazing!
NOTE: Portions of this post were written on my first day officially reducing breastfeeding frequency because I wanted to capture the experience of the moment. However, I want to encourage you that it does get better. Around day four, I began to feel significantly better both physically and emotionally as my hormones and I began to accept and even enjoy going longer between nursing sessions. Hang in there, Mama!
Update: Read about the hormonal uncertainty I had in the months following my partial weaning from breastfeeding here.
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