Defining a mother cannot be done in one simple sentence. Defining a mother cannot be accomplished with a photograph of a woman doing laundry, cooking dinner and pushing a vacuum cleaner all at the same time with a baby on her hip and a toddler clinging to her leg.
Defining a mother is not possible for one person to do, because there are so many different meanings behind being a mom. Defining a mother can only be done by the collective experiences of the unique women who have been a mom in their own way.
And I am so excited to have the privilege today of defining a mother through the words of several mothers. It is my sincere hope that the hearts of these women will touch your mama heart, no matter how “average” or “unusual” of a role you play as a mother.
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Whether you are a mother to children you have given birth to, a mother to children you took into your arms from the womb of another mama, a mother in spirit to the children who need you for a brief moment in time, or a mother secretly treasuring children you carried within you whom you will never raise …
Only you are allowed to define what makes you a mama.
Defining a Mother From the World’s Perspective
Merriam-Webster takes a stab at defining a mother, but it falls short of a full definition, in my opinion. It simply describes a mother as “a female parent.”
As a verb, we get slightly more insight from the dictionary. To carry out the action of mothering (to mother) means ” to care for or protect like a mother.”
I think the verb caries more meaning than the noun, personally. I would argue that the title of “Mother” belongs to more women than strictly those who are the female parent of a child.
However, this is probably a typical view of what a mother is for much of the world.
Defining a Mother From My Perspective
To me, being a parent is equal to parenting and being a mother is equal to mothering. But parenting and mothering are not the same thing.
I considered myself a mother long before I considered myself a parent. The moment I became a mother is the moment I saw my very first positive pregnancy test.
Find out how to avoid stressing out while taking a pregnancy test in this post.
That is the moment I fell in love with my child, the moment I began taking care of my child, and the moment I began actively meeting my child’s needs to the best of my ability.
I did not stop being a mom just because my child passed away in my womb. I was still a mom to the child I had up in heaven.
But of course, I did not have any experience parenting my child. I had never changed my child’s diaper, rocked him to sleep, tended to his illness, worried over his weight, guided him, taught him, reprimanded him, comforted him.
The world would not have viewed me as a mom, so I did not burden it with the truth I cherished in my soul: I had a child.
Read my miscarriage story here.
Although I did not feel I was a parent at this point, I knew that I was a mother. And it didn’t really matter that some people would not have agreed with that if they knew.
Defining a Mother Through the Words of 7 Moms
Every mother’s experience is unique, and I have been inspired and truly blessed to see just how unique our mothering stories are from the women below.
I hope the words of these mothers will encourage you wherever you are on your own mothering journey.
~ Rose Barnett at MomLife Organizer ~
A resource for moms who struggle to gain identity and get their life organized.
“I had trouble considering myself as a mom because I was not mentally prepared. Actually, I wasn’t ready in any way. Although I had trouble accepting this weighty responsibility, motherhood came all the same. It’s not always our thought of motherhood that makes us one, but our actions towards the one(s) that need us.”
~ Crystal Garman at Simply Full of Delight ~
“When people ask me how many kids I have, I always say, “It’s complicated!” You see, I’m a foster mom. The definition of a mom is someone who inherently cares about your well-being, goes out of their way to take care of you and wants to be a part of your future. That’s why my foster daughters have 2 “moms.” Two women who rarely interact, but yet are both deeply bonded to these sweet girls and care about them very much.”
~ Cameryn Vonbargen at Multitasking Motherhood ~
“I first considered myself a mother from a young age. I acted as a parent for my sister when our parents fought addiction. Therefore, I knew my calling was to be a mother. I had always dealt with extreme anxiety but this all changed when I had my son. As soon as I had him, it was as though everything in the world suddenly made sense and I felt just peace. I know I am meant to be his mother and give him the most love imaginable!”
~ Mama Bear Finance ~
“I considered myself a mother the moment I heard my baby’s heartbeat during my first ultrasound. It was the most emotional moment of my life. To know that there is a tiny heart that is beating inside your stomach makes you feel like life is such a miracle. Once I gave birth, I just couldn’t love another person more than this little baby in my arms. I define myself as a mom who provides care, nurture, and unconditional love. I will do whatever it takes to protect my baby, hence I’m the Mama Bear. I believe there is no requirement to become a mom as long as you accept that you’ve become one. There is just this natural instinct for us to provide and care for our baby, and that’s what makes us a mother.”
~ Kari Lorz at Money for the Mamas ~
“Hi, I’m Kari, a Mom to a super sweet (and sassy) 4 year old girl, who also happens to have Cerebral Palsy. So for my case, it means that in addition to regular mom duties, that I am her legs, I am her steady trunk control. I am her advocator, I am her physical therapist, her nurse, her secretary, her treatment researcher, her snuggle buddy, and her cheerleader. I am her coach and she is my warrior! Always fighting, always training, always practicing, always smiling! She is my every inhale and all of my exhales.”
~ Sarah Bankui at Alice’s Mom ~
“I started my website after my daughter, who is just over a year was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I had been a nanny for 10 years before I got pregnant so I was always with children every day so when I had Alice I did not feel any different. It was not until we were living in hospital when Alice was 10 months and I would not leave her side no matter how uncomfortable I was that I really felt like a mom. To me, being a mother means you need to be fearless, unconditional love, sleepless nights, being overwhelmed and being someone your child can look up to. It is a hard job but something I would never give up for the world.”
~ Leah Frances at Fort Birthday ~
“There is too much emphasis on experiences that define motherhood. Motherhood lies alone in the heart of the person feeling it.
‘Giving a child your breast milk doesn’t make you a mother; making sure you AND your baby are healthy and happy does’ (from my eBook about Exclusively Pumping).”
Defining Yourself as a Mother
So what about you, Mama? How would you define a mother? More importantly, what makes you a mother?
There is no one right answer. In fact, there are probably limitless accurate definitions of what it means to be a mother.
I cannot tell you what an unexpected joy it has been for me to hear these 7 women defining a mother in their own words from their own diverse experiences. It makes me eager to hear even more perspectives!
So please, comment below or send me an email explaining what makes you a mother. I would absolutely love to hear your unique view!
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