Finding Purpose in Motherhood

Finding purpose in motherhood is easy sometimes. Like when you are the proud new mama of a long-awaited baby who literally cannot survive without you. Even the lack of ability to do housework can seem insignificant in those early days when you have that satisfying feeling that you are fulfilling someone else’s needs in a way that literally only you can.

Other times, finding purpose in motherhood seems quite elusive. Like when you are the mother of young children who need you much less than they used to … but still just enough to keep you from accomplishing your goals, pursuing a career, or simply feeling productive.

It can be difficult to maintain a strong sense of purpose in motherhood because we moms often feel unimportant and unvalued. But humans desperately need to feel a sense of purpose. If we had zero purpose, we would lose the will to live.

This past year, I have been having a hard time finding purpose in motherhood. I have had several disappointments, losses and heartbreaks in my mama life plans since last year at this time and it has often left me feeling as though being “just” a mom does not provide the sense of purpose I need.

My toddler is much more independant than she used to be and needs me less and less all the time. And becoming “more” of a mom in ways beyond just caring for my one child has continuously not worked out as planned.

However, my daughter still needs me just enough that it has not been realistic for me to think about going back to work. That combination tends to leave a mama feeling restless to be more and do more.

Finding purpose in motherhood can be hard when you feel restricted by the very career you are trying to find fulfillment in. And, unfortunately, it is easy to get sucked into self-pity and self-centeredness when life doesn’t go the way we had hoped.

Read my comical take on the 24/7 career of motherhood here.

I have had a very difficult time putting the right words together for this post. But I haven’t been able to let it go for some reason. I can only hope that the experiences and heart behind it somehow shine through the inadiquate words to touch another mamas heart that needs encouragement.

For various reasons, I cannot go into detail about the many endeavors I have passionately pursued in the past year that have come crashing down to nothing. But I have to share with you the faith I have that finding purpose in motherhood is both possible and fulfilling.

It is my prayer that my momentary season of disappointments and heartache will open my eyes to see and open my heart to feel the pain other women are carrying around who are lacking a sense of purpose in motherhood.

With that in mind, I hope this post will encourage you, Mama, as you seek your purpose in motherhood. Because, although important purpose exists for every mom, sometimes we need a little help to see it for ourselves.

How We Lose Purpose in Motherhood

It is quite easy to lose a sense of purpose in motherhood when you are a stay-at-home-mom. When you have a little person who has a bunch of little needs which must be met frequently, it feels as though nothing big and important ever gets done.

We all know logically how important the job of raising kids is. But actually doing it can feel so insignificant on the average day. It’s tempting to believe that giving your always-sticky baby a bath, helping your child dress in an outfit that will be stained within the hour, and preparing a meal your picky toddler won’t eat are irrelevant in the grand scheme of life.

Sometimes we just get defeated by monotony. It’s hard to find purpose in motherhood when it often seems to mainly consist of repetitive actions that are compromised or reversed every single day.

Get FREE access to my Goals Journal for Living a Purposeful Mama Life here!

In addition to the monotony, motherhood contains endless opportunities to feel like a failure and to feel inferior to other moms. Am I the only mama constantly comparing myself to other moms despite my supposed commitment not to?

And then there’s the lack of ability to plan – or stick to your plans – when you are a mom. Illnesses, growth phases, sleep problems, teething, anxieties, new behaviors, old behaviors, particular needs, whining, tantrums, moods, nap times, bedtimes, mealtimes … It is hard to work around all of that to consistently have enjoyable outings or breaks to refresh a mama.

Just to be clear, I am not intending to convey that I do not enjoy motherhood or that it is always hard and discouraging. I LOVE being a mom and wouldn’t trade it for the world. It brings me so much joy every day despite the challenges.

But as with every career, there are just some hard seasons. And I didn’t want my hard season to pass without taking the opportunity to empathize with another struggling mama who needs to know she’s not alone. Who needs to know it’s okay to admit she’s struggling to feel content in her current motherhing role.

So how do we get out of this funk and live with purpose in motherhood?

Putting Purpose back in Motherhood

As I already mentioned, I have had multiple failed attempts this past year to become more of a mom or more than a mom. Every time I tried to pursue something that held purpose for me, the plans fell through.

I felt like I was being so ungrateful, even though I was consciously thanking God for my daughter and everything He has given me and done for me. How could I be feeling so discouraged with so many blessings to be thankful for? It seemed so wrong.

Do you know the feeling, Mama? Have you felt the weight of guilt over not feeling your purpose in motherhood? Have you berated yourself for wanting something more when you have already been given so much?

Let me tell you what was solidified in my mind and heart during a few tough days sandwiched right between two of my mama disappointments: Feelings are not wrong. Having negative emotions does not make you bad.

What you believe and how you act in the midst of those emotions is what defines your character.

You can choose to believe something you don’t feel. You can hope in something you don’t see.

Finding purpose in motherhood is not always as grand as raising a genius who will change the world. It’s not always as noble as taking in neglected orphans. It’s not always as obvious as meeting the special needs of a disabled child. It’s not always as admirable as running a household of twelve kids.

Sometimes, our purpose in motherhood is simply to stay contentedly where we have been placed. To give more of ourselves to our families even when they seem to have “enough” of us. To be willing to let go of our own dreams to meet the needs of others in our homes. At least for now, during this special, young season of motherhood.

Don’t underestimate the power you wield in your home. And I’m not talking about who wears the pants in the family.

You don’t know how you are changing your child’s heart for the better every time you give a hug instead of a harsh dismissal. You can’t possibly predict what a profound effect it will have on your child’s self-esteem when you spend time playing on the floor with him because that is more valuable to you than getting one more chore done.

You have no idea how strongly you influence your little one’s beliefs every time you make the effort to teach a lesson she doesn’t seem interested in learning. You cannot possibly grasp the power you hold over shaping the future of your child by how you raise him today.

Finding Big Purpose in Little Things

“And what if I am failing to be the mom I know I should be” you may ask? My answer to myself and to you is that you have just found your current purpose in motherhood.

Finding purpose in motherhood does not always mean finding something new or “more important” to immerse yourself in. It might not even mean finding one big, major area where you need to do better as a mom.

It has occurred to me – in that quiet little place in my heart that I only hear when I stop restlessly searching – that my purpose in motherhood right now is simply to continually work on improving my attitude towards and my response to my daughter’s everyday needs.

To be a little more patient than I naturally am. To give a cuddle when I just want to be left alone. To play a little longer than I originally intended. To use a calm voice when my brain is yelling with frustration.

Planning to be more than a mom or more of a mom is great. There is nothing wrong with a mom having or wanting a career, dreams or more children. But sometimes, maybe God just wants us to be willing to set those things aside.

Because if we want to truly fulfill our purpose in motherhood, we need to let go of what we could be doing in order to focus on what we can be doing.

Do not underestimate the difference you can make being “just” the mom that you are today. Not only to your children, but to other moms as well. As much as your children need you, other moms need your experiences, encouragement and empathy.

You aren’t in this motherhood journey – with all it’s joys and struggles – by yourself. Make sure other moms know that they aren’t either.

I cannot tell you how fulfulling it is for me to write these blog posts for other moms. It is therapeutic and fills me with a deep sense of purpose to know that even a handful of moms might be encouraged, comforted or more informed by me simply sharing experiences and information that resonates with them.

You don’t have to start a blog to do the same thing. Use your hardships, your successes, your wisdom and experience to lovingly encourage other mamas along on their own journeys.

Let me leave you with one final thought: Your motherhood journey might not look how you imagined it would. Or, it might be exactly what you always planned but your sense of purpose has faded just the same. But no matter where you’re at, God has purposfully put you there and wants to bless you and use you there.

Open your heart to whatever he has for you and walk in faith wherever He leads. Finding purpose in motherhood can have no greater foundation than to trust and follow the Purpose-Giver.