Hey Mama. I see you in this difficult place right now. If you are reading about how to place a baby feeding tube, your baby probably has some medical needs or weight struggles. Your baby might even be in the hospital or recently discharged as we have this conversation.
And you are scared. Not just about your baby’s medical condition. But about the current treatment: A baby feeding tube. An NG (nasogastric) feeding tube, to be exact.
I know it feels terrifying right now for all sorts of reasons. But, after almost a year of experience caring for my daughter’s feeding tube, I hope that I can help you. Not only in knowing what to do, but in knowing that you are not alone and you will be able to do this new kind of life.
I hope that I can provide just the courage you need to take that first step, the same way a sweet friend did for me.
I know that for the nurses showing you what to do and how to do it, this is everyday, routine stuff. But for you, it’s not. For you, it’s scary. It’s heart-wrenching. It feels awful – cruel even. To see what’s happening to your baby and to think about having to do that to your baby yourself.
You might be certain you could never do it.
Listen to me, Mama. Take a deep breath. I’m right here with you. You’re not alone. You are allowed to feel however you need to in this moment. I’m going to walk you through this and you and your baby are going to be okay.
This is the first in a 2-part series on placing a baby feeding tube. In this first post, we will address the fear and anxiety a mama can feel when preparing to learn how to insert an NG tube.
In Part II, we will discuss how to prepare your supplies and insert an NG tube (as the supplemental advice of a parent with experience, not as a replacement for being trained by a medical professional).
Read Part II on how to place a baby NG tube here.
Now, let’s talk about a mama learning how to place a baby feeding tube who has no medical background, who is shaking with fear, who is sobbing while angrily defying the nurses who are trying to make her practice.
Oh, and in case you think I’m being a little presumptuous, I was actually talking about me just then. Allow me to take you back with me to 11 months ago …
Please note that I am not a medical professional and nothing in this post is meant to replace medical advice. Please seek advice from your baby’s medical team regarding placing and caring for a baby feeding tube.
When My Baby Got Her Baby Feeding Tube
It was horrible. It looked like they were torturing her. She was screaming and I was crying with my hands plastered to my cheeks.
One nurse was restraining my baby’s little 3 1/2-month-old body while another was calmly trying to insert a feeding tube into her right nostril.
But it wasn’t going in.. And in my hyper-anxious and fearful state, I thought I saw blood. I was terrified something was terribly wrong. I thought something had been punctured.
But the nurses remained unaffected. They simply changed their tactic and continued on.
Read how to prepare for your baby’s open heart surgery in this post.
The nurse in charge of inserting the tube switched to the left nostril and successfully fed it in further and further until the mark she had made on the tube was just outside my baby’s nostril.
But the torture wasn’t over. Now the nurse had to check placement as my baby continued to scream. With a syringe screwed onto the port of the feeding tube, she pulled back to check for gastric contents to make sure the tube was placed in the correct location.
Then they taped the tube to her cheek and handed her to me for comfort. But she wasn’t calming down now that the procedure was over. She was coughing and sneezing and still crying hysterically.
I was scared that the tube might be in her lungs as the nurses had previously mentioned as a possibility. They had said signs of the tube being in her lungs would be coughing, discomfort and distress. Which perfectly described my baby.
Yet the nurses did not seem concerned.
Eventually, she did calm down. The nurses gave her a gravity feed through her new tube. And she promptly vomited all of it back up.
Once again, I was worried something was wrong. But once again, the nurses were not matching my level of anxiety.
They requested that the doctor order an x-ray to confirm proper placement of the tube. All the while, I was afraid her organs were being damaged by improper placement of this foreign intruder into her little body.
But soon after, an x-ray confirmed that the tube was indeed placed correctly.
Now I had some learning to do. I spent a few days in the hospital with my baby getting to know this new feeding device that had suddenly become a part of her. I learned how to check the placement of it, give feeds and medications through it and how to flush it.
And then … I had to learn how to insert a baby feeding tube myself.
Failing at Placing a Baby Feeding Tube
They had me and my husband both practice on a special doll with nostril holes and a pathway to the belly. We each went through the whole process with that perfectly relaxed and content doll who had no feelings or fears.
And then it was time to pull out my baby’s perfectly good feeding tube simply so we could practice putting it back in. It seemed so unfair to my poor baby.
But the nurses insisted we had to learn how to do this ourselves for whenever it came out at home. One nurse did tell me that some parents opt to just bring their baby into the ER whenever they need a tube replaced or reinserted. But most of the medical staff was really pushing us to learn how to do it ourselves.
I was TERRIFIED to do this. It had been traumatic just watching the nurses do it. There was no way I could do it myself.
But … I told myself that I would do it. Because I had to for my baby. I had to be the mom. I had to be strong even if I felt weak in the knees. I had to push through what felt like an impossible task. Because I was now a medical needs mama and this was just a part of what that life looks like.
Read why my baby has holes in her heart here.
So we swaddled my baby and my husband held her at the correct angle while I came at her nose with the Vaseline-dipped feeding tube. I was shaking and my anxiety was high.
I pushed the tube in, feeling like it was taking forever to feed it all the way into her belly. I thought maybe I had pushed it in too far because I felt like I had pushed so much length in. But there was the marking on the tube, still a long ways from her nostril.
All the while, my baby girl was screaming as I took this hands-on exam to become an official medical mom.
And then, finally, that mark reached the outside of her nostril. I was still concerned it may have gone in the wrong place or gone in too far. Time to check placement. I pulled back on the syringe and got nothing but snapback.
All the while, my baby was screaming hysterically and I was trembling. I was so scared I was going to injure her by doing it improperly. Why were they making me do a medical procedure on my baby?
I was terrified that something was wrong since I was not getting any gastric contents in the syringe. I frantically asked the completely calm nurse if I should pull it back out, feeling an urgency to remove the tube before it caused damage to one of her organs.
The nurse calmly replied that I could pull it out and try reinserting it. I immediately pulled it out and – in my mind – saved my baby from some serious complication that the nurse didn’t seem to be worried about.
Now I had to do it all over again.
I was extremely stressed at this point. I was only pushing myself to do this by shear willpower. And I was only willing to because I thought I had to.
On my second try, the tube seemed to get caught in her nose, unable to go through. This escalated my fear once again that I was about to irreversibly damage something in her body.
As the nurse began to encourage me to pull out and push back in, whatever little composure I had left broke. I pulled the tube out, picked up my screaming baby and angrily told the nurse in no uncertain terms that I would NOT do this anymore.
I sat on a chair in our hospital room, held my baby and cried. Feeling so angry at the nurses for making me do a medical procedure on my baby that I did not feel qualified to do. Angry that my baby had to go through this torture unlike anything she had ever experienced. And feeling like a failure because I couldn’t do it.
Read what it’s like on the other side of baby’s VSD repair here.
I would like to pause here to make an important point. Despite the pressure I felt from the nurses that I had to do this, it is not actually required. There are parents who choose to simply bring their baby in to the hospital or doctor’s office to replace a baby feeding tube.
This article by Boston Children’s Hospital tells the story of how one family did just that until they got fed up with bringing their baby into the ER so often. Eventually, they went to a 2-hour class offered by the hospital to learn how to re-insert the tube themselves. The frustration for the parents is really the reason the nurses were pushing us so hard to learn it.
However, I want to emphasize two important things:
1) It is TOTALLY OKAY for you to not be able to place an NG tube on your baby. You CAN choose to simply take your baby to the ER whenever the tube comes out. You are NOT a failure if you choose not to do it yourself or feel like you just can’t. This is hard stuff. I really didn’t think I would ever attempt to do it again. I basically promised I would not.
2) Even if you think you don’t ever want to try (or try again) to insert your baby’s tube yourself, please keep reading. Because even though it’s okay for you to say no, you might be surprised by your own shaky courage and success one day – like I was.
The Day I Did it
I have a friend who, at the time, had 2 1/2 years of experience with her own child’s NG tube. She did a small thing that had a huge impact on the ultimate result of my ability to place my daughter’s baby feeding tube myself.
From the moment I texted her through the tears about my terribly stressful day in the hospital trying to insert my baby’s NG tube, my friend was preparing me for the moment I said I would never have again
She told me I could totally do it. She told me she couldn’t do it at first either. Until the day she had to. And she gave me tips to help me through the process.
At the time, I appreciated her encouragement but figured it was not necessary because I would not be doing this again.
Until one night at home when my baby pulled out her tube. It was past time for a feed and going to the hospital would mean a long car ride with a tired, hungry baby. Not to mention the whole process of checking in to the ER and waiting for someone to actually place her tube. And then the car ride home with a baby who was overly ready for bed.
I just did not want to do it. And if I somehow could manage to place her tube myself, it would be a much quicker, easier process both for her and for me.
So with sweaty palms and shaking like a leaf, I prepared all the things I would need as I had been taught in the hospital. I recalled the tips my friend had given me. I wrapped my baby up in a blanket … and placed my baby’s NG tube successfully.
Read my tips and tricks for life with an NG tube baby here.
Yes, my baby still screamed, but she was going to scream no matter who did the job. And yes, I hated doing it to her, but I was going to hate watching someone else do it to her too.
I won’t say it was fun or easy, but I did it. And do you know how I felt afterwards? Immensely relieved.
It didn’t feel like something to celebrate. It was just a medical necessity that had to be done. But knowing that I had done it lifted a huge burden from my shoulders.
I was still worried about her tube coming out because I absolutely did not want to have to replace it anymore than necessary. But I was no longer worried that her feed would be delayed for hours if it came out. Because I knew I could put it back in instead of taking her to the hospital.
Now, this is not a one-and-done kind of thing. I’m not going to paint some rosey picture of a fairytale in which I conquered my fear once and for all. While I did indeed push through and succeed despite my fear, it did not make placing my daughter’s baby feeding tube an easy job from that point forward.
I continued to have sweaty palms and a case of the shakes every time I needed to replace her tube for at least the first six months of her life with the tube.
And then, one day, not so long ago, I suddenly realized that I had finally reached the point of feeling like replacing her tube was routine and nothing to be nervous about.
But I want you to understand that, for a long time, I did it even though I was scared every single time. Feeling confident or at-ease is not a requirement of being able to place your baby’s feeding tube.
And another important thing I want you to know. The only reason I had the courage to replace my daughter’s NG tube that first time and every time afterward is because of my friend’s encouragement and advice. I’m hoping that – whatever you choose to do – I can be that friend who encourages you.
The Day You Place a Baby Feeding Tube
I know it might sound impossible right now or, at the very least, extremely unpleasant to place your baby’s feeding tube yourself. Remember, I’ve been in your shoes before. I was completely convinced I would never attempt to place a baby feeding tube again.
But then I did. Because of the confident, encouraging words of a friend. I have confidence that you can also do this one day, even if you can’t do it now. And you are amazing for everything you are already doing to help your baby, regardless of whether or not you master placing his NG tube right now – or ever.
Check back next week to read Part II and find out some of the tips my friend gave me for successfully placing a baby NG feeding tube.
What is your story, Mama? What was it like for you when your baby got an infant feeding tube? Tell me about it in the comments!
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