Pregnancy Loss Support Part IV: Jescekia's Pregnancy Loss Story • MAMA RISSA

Welcome back to the fourth and final part of our series on pregnancy loss support. Today, we will be hearing Jescekia’s pregnancy loss story. Jescekia is a co-founder of the non-profit organization Missing Pieces Support Group where women going through pregnancy loss can find free support and resources.

Over the past few weeks, we have had the pleasure of getting to know Missing Pieces along with its co-founders, Jamilah Robinson, Emily Gamboa and Jescekia Sam. All of these women had their own unique experiences with pregnancy loss. As a result, they were inspired to join together to create an organization that would provide much-needed support for other grieving moms.

So far in our series, we have learned about the support offered by Missing Pieces and how women can access that support. We have heard Jamilah’s pregnancy loss story. And we have heard Emily’s pregnancy loss stories. Today, we are going to wrap up by hearing Jescekia’s pregnancy loss story.

If you have not already read the other three parts to this series, you can find all of them here:

After checking out those other posts, come back to this one so you don’t miss Jescekia’s pregnancy loss story.

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Jescekia’s Pregnancy Loss Story

Mama Rissa: What was your journey like leading up to your pregnancy?

Jescekia: I was already a mother of 2 sons from a previous relationship. My husband and I finally decided to create life from our union, especially given the health of his mom. The day that I removed my IUD was the same day my Mother-in-law passed away.

Mama Rissa: How and when did you find out you were pregnant?

Jescekia: After Trying for 6 months, we finally conceived. I was using an app to track things and took a home pregnancy test in the month of June, 2017. It was positive. I waited until Father’s Day to share the news with my husband.

Once the news was shared, I started making all of the normal arrangements such as getting a doctor and scheduling regular appointments.

Mama Rissa: What were your emotions and experiences during your pregnancy?

Jescekia: I was excited to finally give my husband a biological child. Everything was going well throughout the pregnancy. It was in my 32nd week when I was informed that my doctor was retiring and I needed to get a new doctor to complete my pregnancy and deliver my son.

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Mama Rissa: What were the first signs that your pregnancy was in danger?

Jescekia: When I was about 33 weeks pregnant, I felt that I was swelling too much. On January 2nd, I went to a regular doctor’s visit. This is when the doctor saw signs of pre-eclampsia. My blood pressure was high, which was a first for me, there was protein in my urine and I was at an advanced maternal age.

We did a 24-hour urine analysis because the doctor felt we possibly had 2 weeks to work with before things would go south. But we only had a 2-day window. On January 4th, 2018 my water broke and my placenta abrupted while I was home alone.

Mama Rissa: What happened once you knew something was wrong?

Jescekia: I contacted my doctor and the ambulance and my cousin. I arrived at the hospital within 30 minutes of calling. Once I was in triage, the doctor connected me to the ultrasound and I heard her say, 105 maternal, 105 maternal. I knew then they couldn’t find a heartbeat for King. Seconds later, the doctor turned to me and delivered the news.

She also informed me that my uterus was contracting and I was bleeding internally. My blood was not clotting either which is why I couldn’t receive a cesarean. The best course of action was to wait for my body to deliver naturally. This took about 8 hours.

During those 8 hours my cousin arrived and I explained to her that I was delivering a stillborn. A while later, my husband arrived and we filled him in on the devastating news. Given all of the things my body was going through, I had no time for grief. I was getting ports placed all over my body to prepare for blood transfusions. The doctor also inserted a balloon to absorb the internal bleeding.

Afterwards was a waiting game. I have no memory between getting the prep work and just before delivery. I do remember that after I delivered, I was given magnesium. My body rejected the magnesium, I became extremely hot and then blanked out. When I regained consciousness, I was on the breathing machine at 100% due to respiratory arrest.

At this point, not only was I not breathing on my own, but during my 11-day stay, my blood pressure remained high, my kidneys were failing and I had sepsis. I also had coughing fits. When the cough was bad enough, someone would have to come and suction. That was the worst because I couldn’t breathe during the suctioning.

Find stillbirth support at MissingPiecesSupportGroup.org.

After about 6 days of being on the ventilation machine, the staff attempted to remove the breathing tube. I remember the countdown, the tube starting to climb up my throat, then everything was black.

I woke up intubated once again. I was able to communicate via pen and paper. I let one of the respiratory techs know what my body was feeling which helped to find a treatment plan for me. When they came 3 days later to remove the breathing tube, it was a success. I was finally released after 24 hours of observation.

Mama Rissa: What was the process of pregnancy loss like for you as it was happening?

Jescekia: As I was sitting in the hospital, I was under a lot of medication so I was pretty loopy. I was calling and texting people at odd hours. Looking for my oldest kids and they had come to visit just hours before. I would fall asleep while speaking to visitors. Thankfully, I was able to write and watch an ipad. I didn’t realize how ill my body was in real time. I was in complete survival mode.

Mama Rissa: What was your experience in the days, weeks and months following your pregnancy loss?

Jescekia: Once I got home, I noticed a memorial wall in the living room when I first sat down. This is when I broke down and cried for the first time. I blamed myself at that moment.

My body still went through the normal postpartum process. My short-term memory was almost non-existent. I couldn’t do simple math such as 1+1 or remember phone numbers that I knew for years. I would read a paragraph and forget what I read seconds later. I would say something, get asked about it, and deny that I said whatever it was.

I was also sharing my story and crying with whoever would listen. Not complete strangers, but people that I normally wouldn’t share with. I blamed myself at first, then I blamed my doctor for my loss.

Every first was a challenge as well. For example, the first holiday, the year anniversary of maternity photos, and birth day. In the end, I realized that God allowed this to happen for a reason.

Mama Rissa: What did/do you do to cope with and process your grief?

Jescekia: The main thing I did to cope was pray and read my Bible. I also shared my story with others. Journaling helped as well.

Mama Rissa: What things have you learned about pregnancy loss that you did not know before you experienced it yourself?

Jescekia: I learned that there are more women impacted/enduring pregnancy loss at different stages than the statistics show. I also learned that once you have a loss is when others that know your story come and share their story.

I also learned that doctor’s offices, clinics and hospitals treat loss differently depending on the gestational age of the loss. Most women that have early miscarriage are basically told to be glad it happened early and go back to life as normal.

In my case, delivering a 4lb 6oz male child, I was given a packet of information full of resources, a photographer came and photographed King, I was given a memory box and allowed to keep King in my room for a day to hold and say the final farewell.

Mama Rissa: What kind of support from friends, family, professional therapists, resources and/or organizations has been the most helpful to you in healing from pregnancy loss?

Jescekia: Each woman and man that shared their story with me was meaningful and helped me feel seen and understood. I also joined a Facebook group called M.E.N.D. because I initially didn’t want to share in public. This allowed me to get some things off of my mind in a safe place. In addition, I attended the first support group hosted by MPSG [Missing Pieces Support Group] and learned more tools to use for everyday life after loss.

Find free miscarriage resources at MissingPiecesSupportGroup.org.

Above that, joining Jamilah and Emily to create Missing Pieces Support Group Texas so that we may help others heal has been tremendously helpful in my journey to healing.

Mama Rissa: What would you say to someone reading this who is going through pregnancy loss right now?

Jescekia: Life after loss is not easy. Grief is not easy. Everyone you know will not understand what you have been through. We at MPSG know firsthand what it is like to start this journey and struggle. I still struggle at times. Support groups, journaling and self-care are great tools to lead to a healthy life after loss.

Thanks to Jescekia

I would like to thank Jescekia for sharing her traumatic and heartbreaking story of pregnancy loss so that other women know they are not alone. What she went through is a tragedy that requires support to grieve and process through.

And that is why she co-founded Missing Pieces, so that women like her can have that support. I want to thank her for pouring her heart into other women by the work she is doing alongside her co-founders at Missing Pieces Support Group.

Please remember to check out MissingPiecesSupportGroup.org to get more information on resources available to you or to learn more about how to support the mission of Missing Pieces.

If you have experienced a pregnancy loss or know someone who has, you know how important this support is. So please, share this article to spread awareness about the free support available to women in need.

And lastly, for additional support options, please see the list of resources below.

Additional Resources

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