Everywhere I look, I see things that don’t belong to me.
I imagine space where there isn’t space. I imagine warmth coming from the cold wood stove. I mentally replace all the fluff with beautiful, necessary objects. My objects. My beautiful cookware. My bed. My beat up old coffee table. Jack’s little wooden kitchen. Some sort of proof that children live here.
I see a house. The land sprawls all around it. Inside, it is bright, and happy, and the creativity just flows. There are instruments. There are textures and colors and soft, squishy pillows. There is food – oh yes, there is food – and there is laughter. There are flowers in vases and bookcases full of classics. The music is intriguing and maybe jumbled by a child’s sweet attempts, but it’s enjoyed and it’s treasured and it’s framed in a picture on my kitchen wall.
More importantly than the house or the things that fill it, there are lots and lots of people. Family. My husband. My children. The house pulses with the beat of footsteps. They’re everywhere. They play, and cuddle, and eat up bowlfuls of my motherlove. There is always a pair of arms to give an embrace, there’s always a sling to fall asleep in while Mama works, and there is endless conversation, whether verbal or physical. We love, we create, we learn, we grow, we live.
I can see it. I imagine it, but I also believe it. And every day, I just look around and build it all up around me.
I will not always be surrounded by things that do not belong to me.
The day will come. That day is coming.
And the loving and creating and learning and growing and living? That can start right now.
If I tried, I could find something to feel discouraged about at any given moment.
The point, though, is that I’m to keep my eyes open for any opportunity to be grateful. While discouragement tries to wield its way into my heart almost constantly, the only weapon I have against it is being mindful of what I do have. I will never progress toward anything when all I can think about is what I’m lacking.
Although it seems like every day, I’m pleading for strength to push through, and each night, I’m thanking God for the fact that I’ve made it to the end of that day, I can still find plenty to smile about. I can still get the warm fuzzies when I watch my boys interact. I can still laugh at my husband’s outlandish humor and find comfort in his embrace. And I can rest in the security of a roof over my head, food to eat, and clothes to wear.
Perhaps this is what we need after all. We don’t have much to call our own and we don’t know much about what’s in store for our future. But that could be the very thing that sets us right. It could be the very thing that prepares us for whatever is to come.
In the meantime, gratefulness – gratefulness is our weapon.
If you read my post on the cookies I made with Jack last week, you know that I have been trying to steer clear of {refined} flour and sugar. In addition to that, I’m trying to get a handle on my sweet tooth {I don’t constantly crave sweets, but when I do, I go overboard}.
In an effort to really do this, for real, I have decided that I’m officially not going to consume any refined flour or sugar starting right now, and I’m also not going to eat anything sweetened over the holidays.
To be perfectly clear, I’m not trying to lose weight. I mean, I’d like to get back down to my pre-pregnancy size, but weight loss isn’t the only reason I want to do this. I want to be healthy. I want to take care of this body I’ve been given, and I want to do what I can to live a full and happy life. I want to be around to meet my grandchildren and I don’t want to be a sickly burden on my kids. I know that the food I consume makes a huge difference in this, and I feel completely responsible to monitor every little thing I consume.
I know that many people operate along the lines of “everything in moderation,” but personally, I see several holes in that statement. First of all, if something {say, refined sugar, or cigarettes} has a negative effect on my body, then even in moderation, it’s not good for me. If something {say, wine, or fruit} can be good for me in small amounts, then I see no problem with consuming these things in moderation. My hope is that everything I consume is beneficial to my body. Refined flour is never good for me. Refined sugar is never good for me. As far as I can tell, there’s no way around that.
To be fair, I have been aware of this information for a long time now, and I’m only just now officially living it out. I don’t expect everyone to jump on the wagon with me, especially considering that sugar has been found to be more addictive than cocaine. It’s hard. I’ve been fighting a battle with myself for weeks now – I’ve so desperately wanted to be free of the need for more sugar, but I always ended up just eating more and more and more. Finally I realized that I needed accountability so I told Ryan about my frustration and poor self-control. He agreed to hold me to the commitment {and is even committing to it with me!}, so here I am!
Also, in case you’re wondering, I don’t feel deprived. I feel happy and free. I feel like I have a challenge to pursue – how can I feed myself and my family well without these ingredients? I know it’s possible, and I’ve done it to some extent before. I want this to become a part of my lifestyle, and I’m thrilled that I’ve finally made a solid decision about it all.
And, naturally, I’ll be keeping you updated how it goes!
the way
we know the way, we’ve got the way
we’ll share the way
to bring you back home to the peace where you belong
so many lost highways that used to lead home
but now they seem used up and gone
they sure had the magic when they were first found
but not this road, this road has never been closed
it’s still brand new
{Neil Young, The Way}
The other day, I announced on Twitter that I would purpose myself to make the most of my day. Ever since Ryan began working full time, I have sort of gone between thoroughly enjoying myself and then catching myself wishing the day would hurry up and be over.
So, in an attempt to slow myself down, I decided to make cookies with Jack. It may surprise you that I’ve actually never made cookies with him before, but it’s the truth. Jack is a very independent kid and I don’t generally have to involve him in everything I do. However, he recently noticed his friend Gideon standing on a chair helping his mama prepare food in their kitchen, and ever since then, Jack has asked if he could pull up a chair and watch me work. I love it! I don’t really let him help a whole lot, but he’s usually just happy to stand there and look at everything.
This day was different, though. I guided his fingers to the switch on my KitchenAid and let him control the mixing speed {with my very attentive supervision, I might add}. He had a lot of fun, but was a little confused. Every once in a while, he would go over to his chair at the table and say, “‘Kay, cookies!” I don’t think he really understood {at first, anyway} that we actually had to make the cookies in order for there to even be cookies. Either way, it was really cute. The best part was when he kept stealing a finger full of batter when he thought I wasn’t looking. That’s my boy!
Anyway, I tweaked the ingredients in our cookie recipe a bit. In place of all-purpose flour, we used whole spelt flour and in place of both white and brown sugar, we used rapadura. I thought I’d share a little about these ingredients for those of you who aren’t sure what they are and why they matter!
First of all, whole spelt flour is a protein-rich variation of wheat that is usually easier to digest than common wheat. Many people with wheat sensitivities find that they can eat spelt flour without any disturbances. Most importantly {for me, anyway}, it can easily replace refined white all-purpose flour. There are many reasons to avoid refined white flour, but let me give you a couple of examples:
1. Flour is created by milling wheat berries. When wheat berries are milled for white all-purpose flour, both the germ and the bran are removed, leaving only the endosperm, which is the least nutrient-dense part of the berry as a whole. This means that the wheat berries are stripped of most nutritional content. The resulting refined carbohydrates prompt the body to create more insulin, which in turn causes the body to store more fat {as opposed to utilizing it for energy}.
2. Refined white flour is almost always bleached. You know, like what people do to whiten their clothes?
3. And finally, besides the fact that refined flour prompts overproduction of insulin and therefore, promotes fat storage, the chemicals used to refine flour contribute massively to the development of diabetes!
Now, onto rapadura. Rapadura is a deliciously unrefined natural sweetener. It is simply pure sugar cane juice {hardened and then ground up, of course}. It’s incredibly tasty, is very high in iron and can be used as an exact replacement for white sugar! I love using rapadura because I know that I’m not just consuming empty calories. Although I still think it’s important to closely monitor my intake of sugar {even natural sugar}, it’s nice to know that rapadura is there for when I want to make cookies, pie, cornbread, and anything else that requires a dry sweetener. Raw honey, pure maple syrup, raw agave nectar and stevia leaf are other great refined sugar substitutes, but be sure to check the measurement conversions before adjusting your recipes!
And there you have it. With these substitutes, we’ve enjoyed some great-tasting, nutrient-dense oatmeal cookies. Now all I have to worry about is making sure Jack doesn’t eat the entire plateful!
Oh, didn’t you hear? Jack is bald.








































